“I will always love you”
“My worst date was the day I told her that I loved her. I had the whole thing planned. Every T was crossed and every I was dotted.
“I was to pick her up while my brother was setting up a picnic on the beach. She was always running late so my brother and I left at the same time. When I arrived at her house she was on the porch waiting; my heart started racing.
“We reached the beach at the exact time as my brother, the only thing I could do was stall.
“Finally I decided to head down to the picnic area. This turned out to be a bad idea. We started walking when I saw my brother still setting up, but a quick detour solved that problem.
“While we were talking I heard a honk. I took this to mean he had finished, so we headed back. He had not finished. She saw him and made this known, and all I could do was lie.
“‘No, that’s not my brother,’ I said with a fake laugh.
“My brother took off for the car so we began our picnic. I had written ‘I will always love you’ on five note cards that he was supposed to lay out for her to read, but in his haste he had placed them out of order. She read ‘You love always I will.’
“This is when the date got really uncomfortable. I told her how I felt, and her reply was that she was cold. On the way back to her house, I was devastated. Not as devastated, however, as I was when I realized my zipper had been down the entire date.”
— Warren Yeatman
“The night of my prom was supposed to be amazing. This was to be Steven and my first date.
“He opted out of renting a tux, which was fine with me until he showed up at my door. All I saw was a plaid suit made out of orange wool. It looked like he had just brushed the moth balls off that morning.
“It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if the rest of the date had been fun. On the way to restaurant he proceeded to take off his shoe to air out the fungus that was growing on his foot. Once we arrived at the dance I was sure the date was going to get better.
“ Mr. Prince Charming did not ask me to dance once. The one time we did dance I had to ask him. While we were dancing he started blowing in my face with his nose. I could only take so much of it, so I faked a sickness so I could sit down. Eventually my “sickness” would put an end to the date.
“Steven and I remained friends but the relationship never fully blossomed.”
— Victoria Priest